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Joke of the Day

"Why do I always seem to start my day backwards? I wake up tired and I go to bed wide awake"

"What is the difference between Hitler and Seabiscuit? Seabiscuit could finish a race."

"cw: 4 is allergic to cats & we have a 9yr old cat at home. Sucks me: Getting rid of it? cw: Have to, why? me: Is cats it's only defect?"

"Why did the old lady cover her mouth with her hands when she sneezed? To catch her false teeth."

"handsome when there are 3 people it is a threesome. when there are 2 people it is a twosome. thats why you're handsome."

"How does a queen bee get around her hive ? She's throne !"

"a horror film where the victim walks into her kitchen and everyone she's muted on twitter is standing there drinking coffee"

"Why was the cannibal sad at dinner? Because he got the cold shoulder."

"If I knew you in high school and your Facebook profile picture is a baby I'll assume you're Benjamin Button and unfriend you."

"What's long and black? The unemployed line."