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Joke of the Day

"Why do I always seem to start my day backwards? I wake up tired and I go to bed wide awake"

"Ever wonder why tiny little paper cuts hurt so bad? Cause you're a pussy"

"I was straining on the toilet this morning. ""Where's the fucking sieve?"" asked my wife."

"Why was the strawberry sad? His mom was in a jam!"

"I like to bring ants on planes and say ""All the people down there look like you!"" They can't understand me, but they like the company."

"Isn't it ironic that crocodiles like water and people who wear Crocs are douchbags. Ok, maybe I don't know what ironic means."

"Did you know that Iceland... ...is only one sea away from Ireland?"

"what is awesome and witty? heres a hint, join the two words and put a jew in there"

"Why doesn't a chicken wear pants? Because its pecker is on its head!"

"What happened to the baseball played who was unfaithful to his wife? He was thrown out at home. *alternate response* - His two balls got a strike."