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Joke of the Day

"I told my son about the bird's and the bee's... And he told me about my wife and the butcher."

"What do computers snack on? micro chips"

"I went to Russia, met a guy called Vladislav * **Baby, don't hurt me, don't hurt me, no more.**"

"How did the obscene telephone caller get attacked by the Gorilla? He made a mistake and dialled a preyer!"

"*job interview* ""Where do you see yourself in five years?"" ""Mirrors, puddles of water. Basically anything with a reflective surface."""

"When I die I want written on my tombstone ""Finally Offline""."

"Doubt this is welcome in /r/ShowerThoughts but thought of it there. How many rascist Drink names can we collectively think of? I'll edit the best ones into this post. Mine was ""*White Power*-ade""."

"*spills wine on Ouija board* OUIJA: *moving pointer by itself* H-E-Y S-S-E-X-Y D-Y-O-O-U-W-W-A-N-N-A M-A-K-E O-U-T ME: *moves pointer to NO*"

"Why was Hitler born on 4/20? His mom wanted him to blaze it"

"Carving a boob from a tree would be pretty cool Wooden tit?"