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Joke of the Day

"20 years ago we had Johnny Cash, Bob Hope, and Steve Jobs. Now we have no cash, no hope, and no jobs."

"I phoned my boss. I said, ""I'm calling in sick tomorrow."" ""But, how do you know you're going to be ill?"" he asked. I swear, sometimes he forgets that he works in a psychic shop."

"You've got to hand it to short people. Because sometimes they can't reach."

"How do you upset a plumber? Kidnap his princess."

"A man was caught having sex with the Venus de Milo... ...he was charged with statutory rape"

"Whores on first, sluts on second, idle hos on third."

"Some people get athlete's foot. I get Twitter butt."

"I found an plot of soil yesterday. I went back to the site today and found even more soil... The plot thickens..."

"I'm going to make a porno parodying the movie ""Alien"" I think the tagline will be, ""*In space no one can hear you cream*""."

"It's amazing that whales have evolved to live for over 700 years and humans have evolved to spread misinformation online! Nature's wonders!"