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Joke of the Day
"Some people get athlete's foot. I get Twitter butt."
Next Joke
"I was asked if I wanted to volunteer at the U2 concert... ...I said I don't like to do Pro Bono work."
"How did Columbus's men sleep on their ships ? With their eyes shut !"
"LET'S GET ALL FUCKED UP ON HALLUCINOGENS AND REARRANGE OUR NETFLIX QUEUES!!!"
"Valar morghulis the feminist extremists' motto."
"Yeah, bro. I train and I lift... ...It's easier to get to work that way than to bike and to stairs."
"I've noticed the less open-minded someone is, the more open-mouthed they tend to be."
"I usually turn down the volume on my car radio when searching for an address, as if the house will shout out to me as I approach."
"""It's not the principle, it's the money."" Spike Milligan RIP"
"HI I SPIT GUM OUT OF MY CAR ON THE FREEWAY AND IT BLEW BACK IN MY EAR 911: Sir, u need to pull over WHAT 911: Use your other ear, sir WHAT"