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Joke of the Day

"People with epilepsy see the opportunity And they seize in it."

"Why can't you hear pterodactyls go to the bathroom? Because dinosaurs went extinct 65 million years ago."

"DEAD BABY JOKES: So what's the difference between a dead baby and dirt? **I don't eat dirt.**"

"[Weekend in NYC with my wife] Wife: Did you know Comicon is in NYC this weekend? Me walking out of bathroom in a Deadpool costume: No clue"

"why you should never go to war against bhuddists they have respawn"

"As a parent, I spend far too much time identifying what's stuck to the ceiling."

"Anytime I fly over the exact spot a time zone changes, I yell ""88 MILES PER HOUR!!!!"""

"Want to know if your wife loves you as much as your dog? Lock them both in a trunk of a car and see who's happy to see you when you open it to let them out"

"How do you make something go viral? Herpes."

"Seriously considering robbing the ski mask store down the street but I'm having the hardest time deciding what to wear"