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Joke of the Day

"[Weekend in NYC with my wife] Wife: Did you know Comicon is in NYC this weekend? Me walking out of bathroom in a Deadpool costume: No clue"

"My therapist keeps telling me to stop dating women who believe in the healing powers of crystals and I'm all like, ""Nope."""

"My boyfriend broke up with me today He said he wanted to celebrate Independence day"

"Is as bored as a guy with no arms looking at porn."

"Pete and Repeat were on a boat in the middle of a lake. Pete fell off. Who's left?"

"Did you hear about new product out from Tampax? The iPad."

"What do you call a Spanish baker? A con-quiche-ador"

"A Kraft cheese factory recently burned down... No one reported the fire for hours, because no one believed that there actually were hot Singles in the area."

"Every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings. But what happens when a Foghorn blows? I say-I say, you get cum in your mouth"

"Give your tweets a CB radio feel by adding the word, over at the end. Over."