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Joke of the Day

"As a parent, I spend far too much time identifying what's stuck to the ceiling."

"What does an existentialist bully say? ""Quit being yourself, quit being yourself!"""

"What do you call a controversy surrounding toothpaste. Colgate."

"A man walks into a bar... ...with a duck on his head. The bartender says, ""May I help you, sir?"" The duck says, ""Yeah. Help me get this human out of my ass."""

"What's the difference between a dead baby and a stick? I don't have a stick up my ass!"

"I don't know if koala bears are cute or ugly. Its like, get a nose job and then we'll talk."

"It's cold outside... Come inside, sit in the corner It's 90"

"What does Spock sing in the shower? I'll stop the world and meld with you!"

"My doctor advised me to stay away from trans fats. I guess I should really get off Tumblr"

"What's the difference between light and hard? I can go to sleep with a light on."