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Joke of the Day

"I'm crying and wearing a falcon glove so I get sympathy sex from people who think my falcon flew away."

"Two balloons are floating across the desert One balloon says to the other, Look out for the cactussssssssssssssssssss!"

"The Idiot Named Jay Well Story Is My Friend Was Playing A Game And He Asked Me All Day Where A PLACE WAS and turns out its written in his Quest Book!"

"Someone told me that I looked familiar. So I asked them if they watched porn."

"How many Marines does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Fuck it, we'll drink in the dark. (Happy birthday Devildogs)"

"How to lose an argument with a woman: 1) Argue."

"Why did the cosmonaut forget to pack extra underwear? Because he was Russian."

"[my weiner falls off my body, into the toilet] ugh mercury must be in retrograde again"

"I purchased a gross of condoms... There were only 140 in the box! Ruined my whole weekend."

"If you want to know how many hours your mom was in labor with you, tell her you won't be able to come over & visit."