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Joke of the Day

"How many Marines does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Fuck it, we'll drink in the dark. (Happy birthday Devildogs)"

"Why don't Jehovah's witnesses celebrate Halloween? They don't appreciate strangers coming up to their door."

"How many /r/twoxchromosomes posters does it take to change a lightbulb? Ten. 1 to screw in the lightbulb, and the other 9 to provide emotional support."

"What do you call a hooker fart? A prosti-toot"

"What did the popular astrophysicist's father say to him after his cleat came undone at soccer practice? ""Kneel in the grass and tie, son."""

"What's the difference between unlawful and illegal? Unlawful is against the law and illegal is a sick bird."

"A law student walks into a bar... He says, ""Shit I should've prepared for this."""

"Person: Don't bite the hand that feeds you. Me: I understand. *I spend the rest of my life biting the hands of everyone who hasn't fed me*"

"I don't watch basketball... If I wanted to see a load of black guys scoring every minute, I'd go to your mother's house."

"*jumps from plane* *forgets parachute* *grabs onto flying squirrel* *lives to tell the tale*"