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Joke of the Day

"What does a baby look like in a microwave? I don't know, I close my eyes when I masturbate."

"dad: I can't find my glasses, can you read what this says for me? me: ""Dad do you want to go to Home Depot"" dad: [voice catching] Sure son"

"People say that Twitter is pointless but it's teaching my children to be self sufficient."

"Fox News: Trump looks strong! CNN: Hillary should get the win! MSNBC: If you put a buncha hot dogs in a hamburger bun, is that a sandwich???"

"If you have to wait a while to get a fast food order, say, ""I thought this was FAST food."" The place will never recover from that mega burn"

"what's the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants? Ones a crusty bus station and ones a busty crustacean!"

"If money doesn't buy happiness.. then explain why you have to pay for a divorce."

"If a friend tells you a half-assed joke that's not worthy of an LMAO, give them a LOCO - laughing one cheek off"

"I told him I like a big vocabulary and now he won't stop using 72pt font."

"Knock knock? Who's there? To. To who? to *whom*."