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Joke of the Day

"I told him I like a big vocabulary and now he won't stop using 72pt font."

"If you come to my front door with a clip board I will just ask you if your clip board is an ipad until you leave."

"i NEVER VOTED FOR A PRESiDENT BECUZ iF iM GUNNA WASTE MY GAS THEN iT BETTER BE ON SOMETHiNG iMPORTANT LiKE DRiViNG TO CHiCK-FiL-A"

"Did you hear the one about the constipated mathematician? He worked his problem out with a pencil."

"Knock knock. ""Who's there?"" Creepy. ""Creepy who?"" This is a nice bedroom you have."

"""Congrats Lobster Boy, u got the job"" [Lobster Boy goes in for the handshake but cuts his employer's hand clean off]"

"I fucked an Asian in an elevator. It was Wong on so many levels."

"I pointed to two old drunks across the bar from us and told my mate ""That'll be us in ten years...."" He replied, ""That's a mirror, you dick-head""."

"Did you see that awesome joke on reddit? Yeah, I reddit.."

"Cant' believe my horse came first yesterday!!' Dad, how many times have I told you i'm not interested in your's and Camilla's bedroom antics!'"