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Joke of the Day

"I had to return those books on Middle Eastern agricultural products. They were past the Dubai dates."

"I don't hate you. Hate is such a strong word. I just want to tickle your brain with this ice pick."

"Selected a charity for my major donations this year. It's called Blink.org. They provide turn signals to the masses who can't afford them."

"HER: Impress me. ME: I own a record label- HER: Ooooooo ME: er. A record labelER. It makes labels for my Abba vinyls."

"A Welshman is talking to his girlfriend... when she asks, ""How many sexual partners did you have before me?"" ""I don't know."" replies the Welshman. ""Everytime I try and count them I fall asleep."""

"What is a Freudian slip? When you say one thing but mean your mother."

"What do you call a shoe with no laces Shoe HA!"

"My crazy neighbor claims she was robbed last night. I know she is crazy because I found all her medication as I was breaking into her house."

"I sent an Adele album to a guy who bought it on eBay, anyway his payment cancelled and I'm out of pocket .... Should I just give up or should I keep on chasing payments"

"Her: I do. And that marks the last time she ever agreed with me."