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Joke of the Day

"Are you cold? You should go to the corner, its ninety degrees over there."

"Men do what they want and skip the rest. They're straightforward. If he doesn't call, he doesn't want to talk. If he calls, he's horny."

"Siri does the best Stephen Hawking impression."

"I wish there was a song you and your friends could sing right after you became champions"

"Sorry I just saw your text from last night, are you guys still at the restaurant"

"Catch a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach a man to fish (read the rest as Groucho Marx) and you'll never see him on the weekends."

"If there's a hardship greater than putting cheese on a cracker and having it break before it gets into your mouth I've not heard of it."

"What's the difference between your job and a dead prostitute? Your job still sucks!"

"Why are Gay and Lesbian parades always held in the Summer? Because Pride comes before a Fall."

"Q. Who was the greatest financieer in the Bible? A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation."