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Joke of the Day

"Men do what they want and skip the rest. They're straightforward. If he doesn't call, he doesn't want to talk. If he calls, he's horny."

"Whats the best part of having sex with a transvestite? Reaching around and pretending it went all the way through."

"What I say: ""Does anyone need anything from the store?"" What I mean: ""I'm off to smoke a bowl in my car so I can deal with all of you."""

"Why doesn't god like bacon? Because he isn't real."

"Will a rabbi charge a lot for circumcisions? No. He just keeps the tips."

"""Dad, are they allowed to put two people in the same grave?"" ""I don't think so, son. Why do you ask?"" ""Because that headstone over there says, 'Here lies a lawyer and an honest man.'"""

"yo mumma is so fat that when she sat on the ipod she made the ipad"

"[boy spreads his little arms] Boy: i love you this much daddy! Neil deGrasse Tyson: on a universal scale, that is an alarmingly small amount"

"How many ears does Leonard Nimoy have? 3. A left ear, a right ear, and the final frontier."

"My German friend told me to pick him up dry wine. I brought the bottle to his house and he said, ""Thanks, where are the other two?"""