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Joke of the Day

"I wish there was a song you and your friends could sing right after you became champions"

"I bought a new flat last week... I use it as my spare."

"(nsfw) How do you know the female bartender is mad at you? There's a string in your bloody Mary"

"Are we still burning witches? It's the 21st century. We should be microwaving them."

"What's the difference between firewood and a jew? The firewood ain't been turned into ash yet."

"In North Korea, you actually do get freedom of speech. Just not freedom *after* your speech."

"Teacher: ""When was Rome built?"" Pupil: ""At night."" Teacher: ""Why did you say that?"" Pupil: ""Because my dad always says that Rome wasn't built in a day!"""

"me: ""i re-wrote pulp fiction"" director: ""wow ok"" [reads script] ""this is literally just pulp fiction"" me: ""i didnt say it was different"""

"Why did Sally fall off the swing? Because Sally had no arms. Knock knock ""Who's there?"" Not Sally"

"Today, coworker deemed herself ""unscareable"". Now I have no choice but to hide in the backseat of her car with an axe & correct her grammar."