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Joke of the Day

"Why are Gay and Lesbian parades always held in the Summer? Because Pride comes before a Fall."

"How do we know Jesus turned water into wine at parties? Because if he turned the **wine** into **water** someone would have kicked the shit out of him."

"[me narrating a documentary about whales] look at these useless fat rubber sea pigs"

"I walked past the pub the other day with my girlfriend, and they wouldn't stop calling me a paodophile just cause I'm 30 and she's 20 They completely ruined our 10th anniversary."

"A fun thing to do is sit on the couch with black buttons over your eyes while your kids watch Coraline, then wait for them to notice."

"I want to put hot dogs on my fingers so I have extra long, floppy, hot dog fingers."

"Prior to officially becoming a part of the United States, what was Oregon like? It was very unOregonized."

"What do you do if an Elephant comes through your window? Swim for your life!"

"Why was the Women not Afraid of the Shark? It was a man eating shark (sorry it's so bad)"

"More Wisdom from Confucius Man who goes to bed with itchy butt, usually wakes up with stinky fingers. Man who stands on toilet is high on pot."