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Joke of the Day

"* Falls down rock face * Breaks legs. Bleeds profusely * Slowly reaches for pocket * Pulls out phone * Checks twitter notifications"

"So a pirate wants to get his ears pierced... He goes to the mall where he finds an ear piercing kiosk and asks the girl how much it would cost. The girl turns and says, ""Oh hi! It's a buccaneer!"""

"I had such a bad allergic reaction to a peanut today... ... that I got sued by TheFineBros."

"Wearing my bra really helps me focus on exams I love academic support."

"""When you're right, no one remembers. When you're wrong, no one forgets."""

"(: N poo Love, Australia."

"My girlfriend broke up with me. I am devastated. How could you. I did everything. I surprised you with burgers every night"

"Why do primates do so well in show biz? Put any Ape in the spotlight - and monkeyshines!"

"Just found out my best friend is on Match.com... but I can't make fun of him about it because then he'll wanna know why I was browsing single men on Match.com."

"Pizza Joke If you slice up a large pizza, that's no big deal. But if you slice up a medium, you can get jail time. And she should have seen it coming."