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Joke of the Day

"My Favorite Blonde Joke Having sex with a blonde is kinda like sitting down onto a warm toilet seat. It feels nice, but you gotta wonder who was there before you."

"Text exchange: me- we need eggs. hub- how many? Me- One. See if they will sell you just one."

"I asked my Welsh friend how many partners he's had in his life... he started to count and he fell asleep."

"I think the 2016 Cubs would beat the 1908 Cubs. First, the 1908 Cubs are all dead. Second, the 2016 Cubs are all alive."

"Why do people hit things (ex. TV, computer, etc.) when they don't work? Well, it worked with the slaves."

"An atheist, christian, and a scientologist walk into a bar. The atheist and christian then beat the ever living shit out of the scientologist for being so damn stupid."

"Girl with small feet? Will do great in kitchen"

"My favorite sex position is the JFK I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car. Edit: thanks for the gold kind stranger."

"What's faster than the speed of light? The speed of *how fast my wife jumps to conclusions*"

"After reading some marriage tweets I'm beginning to suspect we all may have been married to the same person."