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Joke of the Day
"What's faster than the speed of light? The speed of *how fast my wife jumps to conclusions*"
Next Joke
"You know that feeling you get when you meet someone and your heart skips a beat? Ya, that's arrhythmia. You can die from that."
"Your mom dropped you off today... She was fined for littering"
"I'm stuck at a boring wedding reception, tell me a joke to get through it"
"Homosexuals should be like my shirts when I'm not wearing them - quietly tucked away in the closet."
"If I ever have to feed kids, I just shove shit in a blender give them a straw & tell them that's what astronauts eat."
"However lonely you feel, you're never alone. There are literally millions of bugs, mites and bacteria living in your house. Goodnight."
"A homely man is walking down the street... When a stranger sees him. The stranger exclaims ""Boy, are you fucking ugly!"" The man turns around and says ""Don't talk about my sister that way!"""
"No matter how loud car alarms are, cars never seem to wake up."
"DEATH: You're grounded! Get back here! DEATH'S DAUGHTER: Whatever. *gets on motorcycle, zooms across tightrope* DEATH: HOW DARE YOU DEFY ME!"