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Joke of the Day

"What's faster than the speed of light? The speed of *how fast my wife jumps to conclusions*"

"I joined a reggae band playing the triangle. I just stand at the back and ting."

"Reddit is like a shiny, new penny... It's fun to look but completely worthless! - Edit: Wow, front page! :D Edit 2: Oh crap, nvm. I was still on the new submissions page lol. forever alone"

"It's not that he liked big butts; it's that he could not lie. THAT'S why Sir Mix-a-Lot deserved his knighthood."

"My friend told me I wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed. I told him I'm not a tool or in a shed. Sure showed him."

"A man once called a pier the ugliest eyesore he'd ever seen, but was then never seen again. I guess you could say he diss-a-pier-ed."

"Patient: ""How much longer do I have doc? Doctor: ""Ten."" Patient: ""Ten what?"" Doctor: ""Nine..."""

"People at work say i'm unnecessarily rude ... but i say fuck those cunts."

"Where do you put a Jew who can't pay attention? Concentration Camp."

"Motivating words are harder with autocorrect... - Archive your dreams. - Be excrement to each other. - Nottingham is impossible. - The only thing standing in your way is autocorrect."