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Joke of the Day

"Chuck Norris easily won the Iditarod dog sled race by pulling a sled load of 16 dogs, 800 pounds of supplies and with a dead sperm whale chained behind it."

"A man purchases a new dress for his wife... ...he goes home as fast as possible so he can give it to her before fashions change."

"This girl on tinder was so ugly I swiped left, pay for the undo just so I can swipe left again."

"How is food purchased an an Irish grocery? You buy it per-tater"

"What do you get when water washes away dirt? a road"

"Girl, you are so sexy. . . [unsuitably sweet for work] that if my brain was in my penis, you would make my forehead sweat."

"How many eye doctors does it take to change a lightbulb? One, or two? One, or two?"

"I bought my dog a brand new flatscreen for his birthday today - I even had it engraved! TO SHIBA"

"I just burned 2000 calories. That's the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap."

"Raccoons wearing tiny little glasses, digging through trash and carefully reading nutritional information of any food items they find."