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Joke of the Day

"""How's Mason doing?"" Ugh, he's going through this emu kid phase. ""Don't you mean emo kid?"" *boy covered in feathers runs past* I wish."

"I can't wait till Harriet Tubman is on the $20 bill That means I can legally own a black person again."

"A girl told me to come over... A girl told me, ""Come over, nobody's home."" I went over, nobody was home. (Rodney Dangerfield)"

"In the eyes of God, there is no good reason to Masturbate... In the eyes of my girlfriend, well she prefers it on her chest."

"Dear cast of The Simpsons, Why is it that the asian characters are white and the white characters are yellow? Sincerely, confused."

"The waitress asked if I was done with that, I said yes but I'm married to it."

"I saw a person with a backpack and a messenger bag. Talk about some serious baggage."

"You'll never know what you want until someone says you can't have it."

"I don't see why people are outraged when Donald Trump says if Ivanka wasn't his daughter, he'd be dating her. After all, if Ivanka wasn't Trump's daughter, I'd date her too."

"what do you call a snail on a ship? A SNAILOR"