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Joke of the Day

"What if the Bad News Bears literally gave you bad news? Bear 1: You're adopted Bear 2: The cancer is terminal Bear 3: This tweet ain't funny"

"Did you hear about the prostitute with an MBA? She was a business anal-ist."

"What is Green...and Smells Like Pork? Kermit the Frog's Finger!!"

"""May your old acquaintances be forgotten and never brought to mind."" -Sir Smirnoff"

"2 birds talking to each other I think I need to take a shit. What are you waiting for? A car."

"Sometimes I ask my husband to put away the clean dishes so I can play kitchen scavenger hunt next time I need something."

"Wanna hear a cheesy conspiracy? Halluminati"

"How do you pump up a room full of shy introverts? ""LETS GET READY TO MUMBLE!!!"""

"What's nine inches long, has a bright purple top, and made my wife cry when I fed it to her after jamming it up her ass? Her stillbirth"

"How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb? Two. One to assure the public that everything possible is being done while the other screws it into a water faucet."