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Joke of the Day

"Responsible parents should teach their kids that it's not the person you hate, it's their guts."

"Cereal is the sweatpants of food."

"Why didnt the shrimp let anyone else eat? He was being SHELLFISH"

"A Florida police dog is being fired after biting two people; but to be fair, who wouldn't want to hurt people from Florida?"

"I'm like a midget with premature ejaculation I have a lot of shortcomings"

"Did you know that a stake through the heart kills humans too?"

"Tater Tots are chewed up French Fries"

"Russian shit Parent calls up to child: Quit stalling in the bathroom! Child calls back: I'm not Stalin, I'm Putin!"

"What's the difference between you and a mallard with a cold? One's a sick duck and.... ....I can't remember how it ends, but your mother's a whore."

"How many Borg does it take to screw in a light bulb? Irrelevant, you will be assimilated!"