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Joke of the Day

"Why didnt the shrimp let anyone else eat? He was being SHELLFISH"

"Why do all the trees in Wisconsin lean west? Minnesota sucks."

"Whenever I try to steal from people I get stabbed by an old plastic fork or a stick. The homeless are resourceful, man."

"Who led the Jewish people through the semi-permeable membrane? Osmoses"

"Why couldn't the little mermaid get into college? Her GPA was unda da C."

"*turns around in my chair and I'm stroking a whole glazed ham in my lap* I've been expecting you."

"Have you seen the world's biggest thermometer? I hear it's fair in height"

"The worst part about crapping my pants at work was having to set the ACCIDENT FREE sign back to zero days in front of everybody."

"[interrogation] ""How do u kno the deceased?"" I was his drug dealer. ""Louder for the tape?"" [leans in] I was his rug feeler. Tested his rugs."

"[Different version] How to be insulting Never mind, you wouldn't get it"