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Joke of the Day

"You can lead a horse to water... but you can't make it drink, unless you have someone to hold his head under while you suck at his ass like a straw."

"Civilization is just one really long and annoying group project."

"[interrogation] ""How do u kno the deceased?"" I was his drug dealer. ""Louder for the tape?"" [leans in] I was his rug feeler. Tested his rugs."

"Time Magazine lists the 140 best Twitter feeds. Maybe later my fax machine will list the best smartphones."

"Your Uncle Jack Hello there... I would like to ask you a question about helping an old man......... IF UNCLE Jack HELPS YOU off an ELEPHANT would YOU Help UNCLE Jack OFF AN ELEPHANT?"

"Why did the dinosaur eat the baby??? It didn't. Humans did not appear until after the extinction of dinosaurs."

"A worm crawled out from a plate of spaghetti and exclaimed... ""Man, that was one hell of a gangbang!"""

"What do you give to a man that had everything? Antibiotics"

"What do you call a Frenchman with eleven penises? Jean Cocteau"

"Your liver is the only organ that can regenerate itself. I believe that calls for a drink... Cheers!"