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Joke of the Day
"Civilization is just one really long and annoying group project."
Next Joke
"Who knew in 1987 when Steven Tyler wrote ""Dude (Looks Like a Lady)"" that it would become a self-fulfilling prophecy?"
"What's an emo's favorite game? Russian roulette, except with a full chamber."
"Jared from Subway got raided for child porn. That gives a whole new meaning to ""Eat Fresh"""
"People ask me, ""Matt, how do you do it?"" , ""Matt, what's your secret?"" , ""Matt, why do you make up imaginary interview questions?"""
"[rolls a boiled egg down the bar to a hot girl] me - ""that was an accident can I have my egg back please"""
"[board meeting] ""So Mr Parachute do you have a name for your invention?"" ""I call it the 'Makes the Ground Come at You a Bit Slower'."" ""No."""
"LPT: Do not fall in love with tennis players Love means nothing to them"
"Why can't Ross & Phoebe ever drown? Because David Schwimmer and Lisa Kudrow."
"Me: I have Schrodinger like reflexes ""Don't you mean cat-like reflexes?"" Me: Yes and No."