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Joke of the Day

"Which purse runs from the law? Disburse!"

"I used to find window shopping depressing..... then I visited Amsterdam."

"I fucked myself last night. I wanted to get first-hand experience."

"The cashier wasn't impressed with my top hat, sash, and monocle until I said ""Keep the change"" from the $1 I gave him for my $0.95 purchase."

"Their wedding went off without a hitch... ...which was a problem in itself!"

"If at first you don't succeed.. Then that's it for skydiving."

"Mrs. Claus must be pretty dissatisfied. After all, he only comes once a year."

"*logs onto Facebook* *sees 347 ultrasound pictures* *logs off forever*"

"*ring ring* Hello? ""If u want to see ur son again give me $500,000"" OH GOD PLEASE DONT HURT HIM ""I won't if u-"" Haha gotcha, leave a message"

"If you're ever on death row, request Denny's for your last meal so you can live an extra year waiting on your order."