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Joke of the Day

"*ring ring* Hello? ""If u want to see ur son again give me $500,000"" OH GOD PLEASE DONT HURT HIM ""I won't if u-"" Haha gotcha, leave a message"

"What do you call customers at Lidl? Lidl people."

"Guys I finally came up with a name for our character: Spongebob ""Perfect!"" Thanks ""What's his last name?"" Oh, uh- *looks at pic* Squarepants"

"I see the baby's nose is running again"" said a worried father. ""For goodness sake!"" snapped his wife. ""Can't you think of anything other than horse racing?"""

"This dog must been at some wild ass party last night. He still wearing a lampshade around his neck."

"My wife said she wouldn't have sex with me until I did everything on the ""To-Do list"" So I scratched out **#1** ""*Wash the car*"" and replaced it with ""*Have a three-some with Becky and Wife*"""

"I saw an expensive prostitute She gave me lobsters."

"I say ""post-9/11"" for literally anything that happened in the last 14 years. Madagascar 2 is so post-9/11. Dr Pepper Ten is a post-9/11 soda"

"When my mom asked me to sponsor her Run for The Cure, I was surprised. I'd thought The Cure had done quite well for themselves."

"DATING IN THE 1800s 1) Get telegram from Mae 2) Wait to respond. Don't be desperate 3) Get telegram that Mae died of dysentery while waiting"