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Joke of the Day

"""Welcome to lazy club. My name i-*doors get kicked in* ""THIS IS A ROBBERY! NOBODY MOVE!"" [voice from the back] ""Nobody was going to."""

"High school plays are a lot like airplanes. People only want to hear about them if they crash and burn."

"Dads are like boomerangs.... I hope. Edit: Guys I'm so confused, wtf is going on"

"How to deal with anger and resentment toward someone: 1. Write down feelings and put message in a bottle 2. Break bottle over person's head"

"So my biology teacher asked me what are in cells... I said ""black people"" and somehow that wasn't right"

"I'm not sure how many problems I have because math is one of them."

"I don't understand why Pabst gets such a bad wrap. It won a blue ribbon Once."

"My apartment smells like someone just took a dump, but nobody is home... That's some spooky shit."

"What's the difference between a USB and the USA? One connects to all your devices and accesses your data, the other is a harware standard."

"I hope I get a good grade on my kids science project this year."