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Joke of the Day

"I have a fifth sense when it comes to smells."

"Did you hear who just took on the biggest gentrification project in America? Donald J. Trump."

"My friend's 6-year-old was being obnoxious. The mature thing to do was to tell him to settle down. I challenged him to a rap battle."

"Hear about psych on netflix? Thats messed up"

"So a beautiful girl I met was coming to my house.. But I was afraid of getting a boner, so I taped my dick to my leg. She shows up in a mini-skirt, smoking hot.. so I kicked her in the face."

"Me: I have a younger sister but she's nothing like me. Him: Wow, she sounds perfect."

"I keep getting the urge to purchase a big white bear from the artic... ...Doc says I might have ""Buy Polar"" disorder! EDIT: arctic*"

"What do you call an old Mexican woman? A bean bag."

"Noah's flood = God clearing his browser history"

"A guy walks into a psychiatrist's office wrapped wrapped in cellophane.... The psychiatrist says ""well, I can clearly see your nuts"""