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Joke of the Day

"A guy walks into a psychiatrist's office wrapped wrapped in cellophane.... The psychiatrist says ""well, I can clearly see your nuts"""

"If you guys don't start appreciating my tweets, I will introduce my mom to Twitter. Don't make me ruin this for everyone."

"I could never be on The Bachelor. I don't need millions watching me get dumped & cry on tv. It's bad enough my cat sees that shit everyday."

"Do not use the word ""ghetto"" indiscriminately unless referring to that booty there. Daaaaamn!"

"That's not a candy cane in my pocket. I'm just glad to see you!"

"gonna give my zombie friend several different brains for his deathday. Took a while to get the shopping done. Finally got some presents of mind."

"(This one is better when spoken) Did you hear about the man with two penises? Yep. First one he named Jose. Second one he named hose B.(again, better spoken)"

"My nonprofit for constipation awareness went bankrupt (at least half of you can guess the punchline)... because no one gave a shit!!! yeah yeah, I know where the door is..."

"They say you are what you eat... But I don't remember eating a legend!"

"Die Hard VIII: Die Even More Harder: Mostest Harderest."