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Joke of the Day

"Last minute gift idea: Give someone a bucket of water and tell them your sorry their ice sculpture melted"

"Who corrects Santa's grammar? A subordinate Clause."

"""I hate being half bicycle-half motorcycle"" he moped"

"How do you know if a Chinese person robs your house? Your homework is done, your computer is upgraded, but two hours later, the fucker is still trying to back out of your driveway."

"Bloody FedEx... I've been waiting all day for my punchline"

"I tried phone sex last night Safe to say, I would prefer if you didn't call me during working hours until it goes flat."

"Ran into my ex on the street. He's got a hot wife & 2 kids. I have a taco in my hand. And one in my purse. And an emergency taco in my coat."

"How do you get milk from a witch's cat? Steal her saucer."

"""I'm not racist, but,"" -Racists"

"Needed some help with romance, so I took the book ""How to Hug"" out of the library. Turns out it was volume 6 of an old encyclopedia."