95187

Joke of the Day

"A joke from my dad: Why is Santa so jolly? He knows where the naughty girls live."

"What does an optimist call the World Trade Center? San Diego."

"HR: The delivery job is yours. Me: Great! HR: Do u have a reliable car? Me: Yes. HR: Model? Me: A little in college. How is that relevant?"

"Just updated my resume. Hobbies section now includes: ""Currently tied with Lance Armstrong in Tour de France victories."""

"I've already had 3 people ask if I have enough wine to last me through the hurricane. Beginning to think I may have a reputation."

"Why do black people have nightmares? Because the last one that had a dream got shot."

"What do you call a mouse with cheese but no crackers? Cracka-lackin"

"I measure my kids' ages in terms of percent complete out of eighteen years. My kids are 22% and 38%."

"Happy Valentine's day! Do you know what the word of the day is? Legs!.....Should we go back to my place and spread the word?"

"7 thoughts u have when buzfeed steals ur content -WTF -OMG -Huh -FAIL -LOL -NOPE -why is a multimilion dollar website riping off my twiter"