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Joke of the Day

"Why is PTSD like riding a bike? You never forget"

"I think the girl I just met may be a goddess... because even though she's never talked to me, later tonight billions will be massacred by my hand in her name."

"What's another name for the Periodic Table of elements? The atoms family."

"Why did the raisin go to the police? Because, he was a grape victim."

"this nation needs a monument dedicated to its teens. how about a giant middle finger carved out of a mountainside"

"If somebody's presence does not add value to your life..Then their absence should make no difference!"

"*licks stamp* hmmm tastes weird *mails letter* hmmm mailbox had wings *drives home on flying monkey* hmmm that wasn't a stamp"

"How many hipsters does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Some obscure number you've never heard of"

"I lent my cell phone to my cousin, but he kept going to out-of-service areas causing me to receive extra charges on my monthly bill... So I call him and say ""Ay cousin! Stop Roman around!"""

"I'm not very good with pets. I had a pet rock once, but it ran away."