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Joke of the Day

"this nation needs a monument dedicated to its teens. how about a giant middle finger carved out of a mountainside"

"Why did 10 die? 10 was in the middle of 9/11"

"Hate when Walmart doesn't have what I need & I have to go home, change out of my pajamas & brush my hair so I can go to Target"

"Forgot my Fitbit because it was charging and now it's like I walked for no reason."

"If cocaine were an old cranky man... He'd say ""blow me""!"

"What do you call inexplicably missing aioli? Awoli."

"My favorite book to read on the toilet is ""The Shining."" It scares the shit outta me."

"What screams, wails, and lights up? A bus-load of babies on fire."

"What do you call a man with no arms? Anything you want. He is 'armless"

"A tanning bed is a panini grill for people."