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Joke of the Day

"""Hey look, there's a deer frolicking in the woods over there!"" Deer: What the hell did you say I was doing?"

"The autopsy is going to show that the elevator tried to bring Prince down. Go crazy."

"""If anyone has a reason why these two should not be wed, speak now or forever hold your peace"" (from the back) He saw Creed live in 2003"

"don't kid yourself, the pace at which the cursor blinks before a blank space in a document is the actual heartbeat of God"

"What do whales and milk have in common? They both cum in gallons."

"Why can't orphans play baseball? Because they don't know where home is."

"2: Where mommy? Me: Mommy's at a meeting. 2: Mommy is meat? Me: No. Well...yes, but only if we ever get stranded on an island. 2: Ok."

"How many tutors does it take to make a wild dog literate? It takes two to make a dingo write."

"My friends are baffled that I gave up the single life for my European wife and wonder why I don't chase girls anymore. It's because she keeps me in Czech."

"I said to the gym instructor: ""Can you teach me to do the splits?"" He said: ""How flexible are you?"" I said: ""I can't make Tuesdays."""