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Joke of the Day

"I've just had to take the batteries out of the Carbon Monoxide alarm The loud beeping was giving me a headache and I was starting to feel sick and dizzy"

"I'm thinking about moving carreer into building kitchen worktops... but that seems counter productive"

"Cotton Mouth I hate when i get cotton mouth, but that happens a lot when you eat a lot of pants."

"That moment when the music stops playing at the gym and the whole room sounds like gay porn."

"What did man create that inevitably destroyed man itself? Reddit"

"Just burned 2000 calories trying to avoid someone I know at the grocery store."

"I'd rather be an outlaw than an in-law."

"I hate when I can't understand what I'm eavesdropping on."

"Why can't accountants get library cards? They're book-keepers."

"How to catch a polar bear. Dig a hole in the ice and line it with peas. Then when he goes to take a pea just kick him in the ice hole."