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Joke of the Day

"Cotton Mouth I hate when i get cotton mouth, but that happens a lot when you eat a lot of pants."

"Who delivers presents to the hood? Crip Cringle."

"I take off my blindfold. Before me is a gory tableau of death and destruction, bodies strewn across the landscape. The pinata is unscathed."

"Teacher: What is the formula for water? Student: H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O. Teacher: That's not what I taught you. Student: But you said the formula for water was...H to O."

"What are a philosopher's favorite type of chips? Plato Nachos"

"Is it a coincidence that as soon as Bruce Jenner turns into a female, that she becomes a bad driver? Too soon?"

"I went to a seminar on drilling methods yesterday... Boring!"

"Trying to be less negative but it'll never work."

"When someone shows you they don't want to be a part of your life, let them go. I'm not saying you can't make a voodoo doll of them, though."

"It's not rape if she's holding bud light"