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Joke of the Day

"""911, what's your emergency?"" Hi i need to report a kidnapping. My son is taking a nap in my room right now."

"How do you offend a white person? Tell him he cant tell racist jokes."

"What happens when the fog lifts in California? UCLA."

"Just met up with an old friend yesterday I asked where he's been I haven't seen him in years. He replied jail, cops don't approve of you selling pot in a school zone."

"NASA is planning to lasso an asteroid and bring it to the moon? I was unaware NASA had hired Wile E. Coyote to plan their missions."

"3-year-old: What's a swear word?Me: A bad word moms and dads only say when they're mad.3:Me:3: Is my middle name a swear word?"

"Face down, Ass up. That's how I like to tie my shoes."

"My wife told me she bought a really sexy dress just for me. I'm planning on wearing it this Friday."

"A girl gave me a dirty look for holding the door... Sheez, I'll never hold the door for them again especially when I have to piss badly."

"What did the physicist say to the suicidal guy on the bridge? Don't do it! You have potential!"