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Joke of the Day

"I've never actually been caught smoking weed. But I'm pretty sure my parents know sober people don't give goodnight handshakes."

"HI I'M GOING TO HAVE AN UNCOMFORTABLY LOUD YET PRIVATE PHONE CALL ON THIS BUS AND EXHIBIT A STUNNING LACK OF SELF-AWARENESS. THANK YOU."

"Facebook should have a I Don't Give a Shit option next to the Also Block iRL option next to the Would u Like to Send a Nuclear Bomb option."

"What's the hardest part of a vegetable? The wheelchair."

"Apparently when you donate blood, it has to be YOUR blood."

"If a puppy stabbed me in the face and stole my car, I'd still be like, ""aww."""

"George R R Martin, dead after reaching peak popularity Just like one of his characters. (If this trash of a post hit the front page, the title could really mess with some GoT fans, I'm just saying)"

"Why do elephants hate flying? The seats are too small."

"I have never turned down an offer to smell something"

"The gang's all here A horse, a blonde, a redneck, a priest, a rabbi, and the president all walk into a bar. The bartender asks, ""What is this, some kind of a joke?"""