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Joke of the Day

"If I had a dollar for every time one of my kids said ""Mom, you're not funny"", I could buy a beach house. And live by myself."

"Ever since I became blind I never looked back... Or forward, or right, or left."

"What do you call an American white guy in a Christmas sweater? A Christmas cracker"

"What is the difference between a Southern Zoo and a Northern Zoo? A Southern Zoo has a description of the animal on the cage along with a recipe."

"How does everyone have so much to say? All I want to do is eat and stare at stuff."

"What did Al Gore play on his guitar? An algorithm."

"Do not keep all your work for tomorrow, always remember you can also do it the day after tomorrow.. Be lazy, Think crazy."

"Man, Lord of the Rings has all kinds of people! White men, white elves, white dwarves, white trees, Gandalf the white, all the kinds!"

"I worry a $15 min wage will hurt the long-term viability of my small business where I sell expired milk to people I went to high school with"

"Why do trees seem suspicious on sunny days? I dunno, they just seem a bit shady."