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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between a dog and a fox? About 4 pints"

"What's a French person's favorite video game system? The Wii! (Oui)"

"[over megaphone] ""Police! We have you astounded!"" ""Jim, it's 'surrounded'."" ""No, I know but look at his face."""

"In this era of excessive exclamation point use, punctuating a text with a period is the quickest and simplest way to cause concern."

"Quickest way to offend a Jew you tell them Noweh!"

"[1st date] WAITER: and how would you like your steak, miss? HER: definitely not wooden *winks across table* DRACULA: *just glares at her*"

"If you think my grey hair tells a story, you should see the unmarked graves in my back yard."

"Who called it freeze dried pork and not 6 degrees Kelvin Bacon?"

"I remember when my grad father first got his pace maker Every time he would go to use the microwave he would piss his pants and forget who he was for about an half an hour or so."

"If I could have sex with any historical figure it would be Marie Antoinette. I hear she gives good head."