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Joke of the Day

"Why don't you make fun of a fat girl with a lisp? She's probably thick and tired of it."

"By 98 to 1, U.S. Senate passes amendment saying climate change is real, not a hoax."

"Don't joke about 9/11. My father died that day. I clearly remember what the last words he said to me were. ''Allahu Akbar''"

"Scottish Independence"

"If you really wanna piss someone off when introducing them, make little finger quotation marks in the air when announcing their job title."

"I may not be smart and I may not be skinny and I may not be tan and I may not be cheerful and I may not be tall and I may not be sober and I"

"What's the difference between fog and mist? If you hit it its fog, if you don't it's mist."

"My buddy's autistic twin brother has a seizure while on a camping trip, causing my buddy to miss his first day on the job at Dominoes. ""Tell the manager your brother had a Little Caesar"""

"I respect strippers because its really hard to dance by yourself and not look stupid."

"What's the point of having nice tits if you're going to cover them up? Stop being so fucking greedy and unbutton your shirt like I do."