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Joke of the Day

"I like my women like I like my wemoweh a wemoweh a wemoweh a wemoweh IN THE JUNGLE THE MIGHTY JUNGLE THE LION SLEEPS TONIIIIIIIIGHT"

"NASA Says Signs of Water Flowing on Mars, Possible Niches for Life Willing to take a bath in that following water in Mars."

"A rude answer to when someone tells you they want something that isnt going to happen. Want in one hand and shit in the other one, then tell me which one fills up first."

"If you see your ex, wrap your hands behind your neck and pretend you're making out with someone. That'll show him you're still crazy AF."

"Why did the water turn into steam? It mistbehaved"

"Having sex is like you're doing fractions it is improper for the larger one to be on top"

"Wife: Are you crying in there? Me crying: NO! W: have you been eating cheese again? *opens door* Me with mousetrap stuck to lips: NO"

"How many walruses does it take to make a sandwich? Don't be silly, walruses don't make sandwiches; women make sandwiches. Made this up to bug my sister. It worked. Her husband laughed."

"Procrastination is a dish best served tomorrow."

"First grade teacher asks student what the plural of horse is ""Pregnant whores?"""