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Joke of the Day

"If you see your ex, wrap your hands behind your neck and pretend you're making out with someone. That'll show him you're still crazy AF."

"Dating must've been so easy for cavemen. This my cave. This my fire. You like rock? I have many."

"On one hand, your leaving a wadded up Kotex on the bathroom floor is a great appetite suppressant. On the other hand, that's fucking gross."

"Ke$ha is what would happen if Comic Sans came to life."

"If I had to describe myself in one word... It would be, ""Unable to follow instructions."""

"Whenever I go to McDonalds, they always ask me ""What can I get you?"" and I always say ""Give me a second."" And they always give me the number two."

"so that's the reason Why did the physics teacher break up with the biology teacher? There was no chemistry."

"Annoucement: At my funeral, all my tweets shall be recited. I will then haunt whomever leaves first, demanding honest feedback for eternity."

"Why do liberal courts don't work? Because they don't like to judge anyone."

"How did the Hulk feel after trying to lift Mjolnir? He felt Thor."