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Joke of the Day

"Wife: Are you crying in there? Me crying: NO! W: have you been eating cheese again? *opens door* Me with mousetrap stuck to lips: NO"

"Im going to nickname my penis 'The Truth'... ...Because you want the truth, but you can't handle the truth, and sometimes the truth hurts."

"Since Canada isn't making the penny anymore-did the price of a thought just go up to a nickel?"

"why do farts stink? so deaf people can enjoy them too."

"Please Choose a Sears Portrait Background: 1. Autumn Leaves 2. Toenail Fungal Infection 3. Country Cabin 4. Alarmed Possum"

"Where was the NSAs wire taps when the McCallisters were leaving messages w all the neighbors that Kevin was abandoned & alone? Thanks Obama."

"Coke is just cherry coke after it's lost its virginity."

"My birthday is this monday and i got 2 early b-day presents. I got 2 socks. One from my dad and one from my sister. Boy did they both hurt..."

"Did you know that a stake through the heart kills humans too?"

"My 5 year old set up the lemonade stand all by himself and, while I'm proud of him, I doubt he'll make a lot of sales in the backyard."