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Joke of the Day

"Told this girl to text me when she got home.... I think she homeless. ----- I don't own this and I take no credit."

"Oklahoma Thunder & Miami Heat... Can't tell if they are talking about a weather report or NBA Finals."

"Did you know that clumsy people are more likely to be obese? That's because they keep walking into things.........like McDonald's."

"How do you get 4 girls to sit on one chair? You flip it upside down."

"Retweeting a compliment is like getting a compliment from someone and then conference calling a bunch of people and telling them about it."

"New friend: want 2 go tanning w/me tmrw? Me: ok. sounds fun. idk where 2 get cowhides. do u?"

"Whenever I see someone with a non-reusable water bottle I get a gun and shoot a nearby animal and say ""you did that"""

"What should Bernie Sanders' next presidential campaign be called? Hindsight is 2020"

"I have just seen a load of dyslexic africans. They were laying flowers at nissan maindealers."

"What do you call a Mexican without a car? Carlos"