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Joke of the Day

"I think the only thing Fox News hasn't yet accused Michael Brown of is stealing Darren Wilson's bullets. #ferguson"

"Why do girls always walk around in odd numbered groups? Because they can't even."

"""That wasn't chicken in the Chow Mein"" I'd make a great Fortune Cookie writer."

"If smoking is so bad for you How come it cures salmon?"

"What does a dog become after it 6 years old? Seven years old."

"Broke my good sunglasses... But instead of buying new ones, I'm just gonna put Trump pictures where the lenses used to be. He seems to be far more polarizing than my Costas ever were."

"What idiot called it endangered ocean population instead of deficiency?"

"[two atoms side-to-side on a DNA chain] ""Hi."" ""Hi. U look familiar. Were u on A3564 before it went supernova?"" ""Yes."" ""U still owe me $20."""

"My friend lives on a court with a sign, ""No outlet."" I wonder where he plugs in his TV?"

"There is only one ideal dance partner & it is an empty apartment"