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Joke of the Day

"I knock some sense into people with a hammer."

"Either Narnia has really gone downhill or I'm just sitting in some guy's closet."

"I swear, a pigeon at the bus stop this morning was trying to flirt with me. Anyway, totally fucked that pigeon."

"How did the Newfie get his wife pregnant? ...and you call us stupid."

"Why did the pig stop sunbathing? He was bacon in the heat."

"What does a mobster buried in cement eventually become? A hardened criminal."

"""Vodka martini. Shaken not stirred."" ""So just the normal way you make a martini then?"" ""That's right."""

"Mommy, they call me nymphomaniac at school... -Don't worry Lissa, it's just kid's stuff. Now you go to sleep before dark, or the Boogeyman will come at eat you. -Yeah! He should come and eat my pussy!"

"I burned a kid in a wheelchair today. Hot wheels."

"Ladies, if you've ever walked by a van with no windows and you're reading this, it's because you're ugly."