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Joke of the Day

"I knock some sense into people with a hammer."

"The Pirate and the alphabet Why does it take a pirate so long to finish saying the alphabet? Because they spend years at sea."

"What do you have to know to be a real estate salesman? Lots."

"I got the job as a psychic! I don't know how."

"I removed the shell of my racing snail to make it go faster. But it just made it more sluggish."

"Marijuana is the gateway drug to taking 45 minutes to pick out which color Gatorade you want to buy."

"How do you kill a circus clown? Go for the juggler"

"This kitten is just what my house needed. Another female that doesn't listen to me."

"I just read that the average person spends 2 weeks waiting for a traffic light to change. Fuck that. I'd run it after 3 or 4 minutes tops."

"You're too drunk, dear. Alcohol you later."