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Joke of the Day

"Ladies, if you've ever walked by a van with no windows and you're reading this, it's because you're ugly."

"Two dogs are arguing And one of them says ""Well your mom's a bitch!"""

"Accidentally poured myself a glass of vodka at 9am. Accidentally drank it too. I'm so fcuking clumsy."

"Get rich or die of poverty-related causes"

"Gay guys in wheelchairs are like tomatoes. Are they a fruit, or are they a vegetable?"

"Rearrange these words: 1) PNEIS 2) HTILER 3) NGGERI 4) BUTTSXE Did you read..........Spine, Lither, Ginger and Subtext?"

"We're shutdown, but not 'stop collecting taxes' shutdown. - the government"

"What do you get... Q. What do you get if you cross a large dinosaur with a frog? A. A diplo-croak-us."

"I think tomorrow I'm going to respond to everyone using only lyrics from songs by The Dead Deads. Wish me some luck at the DMV."

"Why is Pavlov's hair so soft? Classic conditioning."